Volume 1, Number 1                                                                                                                                                           June 1998


         "The Hostess with the Mostest" is the female ESFJ; the "Family Man" is the male ESFJ.  These are generous givers of time, talent and wealth - expending all for family, desiring that family celebrations and customs be maintained through the generations.
These, too, are the original "rescue the perishing" people, thinking that if enough time, enough energy and caring is given, anyone can be "saved".   They trust their ability to persuade and will act upon their beliefs that they can, indeed, persuade to "do better".   They can handle multiple projects with ease and, as their ESTJ compatriots, do not mind interruptions when need comes calling - as sure as the sun rises, the need will come calling at the ESFJ door.
There is a "mother hen" quality about the ESFJ, nurturing, shepherding and - may it be said in truth - MANAGING.  ESFJs can, indeed, be said to attempt to manage what they cannot persuade.  They are SJs, after all, which means, of course, that they like to organize - people as well as things.
They appear to be tireless in serving, as though they "owe" it and they do it with a relish and a tireless and true spirit of altruism that serves as a model for other types.  These are not the grudging, complaining spirits.  These are generous spirits.  I heard it said of one of these:  "I didn't know such people as you existed anymore."
Their feelings can be easily hurt - particularly if they feel they are unappreciated - and they will find an ear in which to unload and, if one is available,  a shoulder to cry on.  If burdened enough, they can become emotionally unstable.  They truly are generous and giving, but they - as do all caretakers - need moral support and a generous heaping of stroking.
They enjoy a bounteous table and are always willing to "set another place", seemingly always to have plenty on hand - whether from a well-stocked freezer or a ready pot filled with more than the household could eat in one sitting.  They enjoy the creature comforts that make life zesty and do not relish feeling or being impoverished.  They enjoy owning this world's goods but enjoy sharing their bountifulness with others.  If not with others and for others, what would life be, they feel.  They are, however, not to be taken for suckers.  They will definitely not be used, unless they decide this is best short-term for the long-term gain of their agenda.
ESFJs are so facilitating that there is something which catches others off-guard:  ESFJs WILL - I repeat - WILL let you know if they are rubbed the wrong way or if they perceive you to be derelict in one of their "SHOULD HAVE DONES" [well, after all they ARE SJs, the natural "should" types!]  So here is this dilemma:  certainly everyone enjoys a well-prepared meal, lovely surroundings, lots of laughter and plenty of people; BUT if a lecture comes with it...well, there may be some trepidation, some hesitancy about joining the party.  ESFJs can do some serious confronting!
This may be forgiven if all could realize that ESFJs put themselves through the "wringer", too, as they seek to resolve inner conflict  - painful for them because they like harmony [within and without] and, perforce, will wrestle all, themselves included, in order to achieve that elusive state.  "We WILL have peace, we WILL have fun, we WILL all enjoy ourselves if we ALL just WORK at it!!"  Conflict and disharmony are painful things for ESFJs.  They like to be liked and they like to like and they really do want everyone else to like each other, too.  They are so warmed when they can sit back and watch everyone - and I do mean EVERYONE [they are vigilantly watching to see who ISN'T enjoying themselves and will then make it the present mission to see if that can be turned around, hopefully IMMEDIATELY] - laughing and talking and eating and enjoying pleasantries with one another.
They work at making things "go right" - the family's health, wealth, manners, scholarship, piano lessons, responsibilities-to-humankind, the dog's care, the church's mission, the PTAs direction, the kids' education, their prospective jobs, behaviours, interests, protecting the family name, honouring father and mother, dressing "right", ...you get the picture.   They are so conscientious, so kind, so vigilant.  Seems impossible for them to relax.  They give so much and need so much.
But they are fun and funny.  A carefree day with an ESFJ is an enjoying experience - for they do know how to enjoy - shopping, dining out, attending shows, fun time with friends.  If not too overburdened, ESFJs really know how to plan a cornucopia of good things to enjoy for all who come to visit or to share the day.   Life can be very, very good with an ESFJ at the helm if they are relaxed and comfortable with the way things are going for they  are inclusive people and keep an eye out for the "outsider", drawing them into the circle for nurturing and caretaking.  They are found inordinately caring for the elderly and the lonely for they do not like to see someone "left out".
They are friendly, warm, nurturing, caring, sociable, dutiful, loyal and more.  They really are.
"Well done, good and faithful servant." That's them.  ESFJs.
                                                   Fannie R. Linder, PsyD.